I remember that aching feeling inside of my heart and belly. A deep yearning to be understood, to have someone by my side. How could I possibly forget waking up to loneliness as a teenager and young woman in her early twenties? At first I dove into that feeling. Every crush on a boy became the obsession that filled my life beyond anything else. Later the medicine was a series of boyfriends and a green plant with leaves and a strong smell that helped numb the sense of loneliness. Escape, but not really.

Now I can look back and feel what was underneath that loneliness. It was never about the boys, it was never about needing to escape. The truth was, there was something I wasn't able to give myself. I think we all have something in life that we need to learn. It is a particular lesson that doesn't come easy. What might seem simple and obvious to others requires a hero's journey filled with challenges and experiencing metaphorical death and sometimes coming close to real death.

The journey back from the dark pit, the infinite cave, the pain that doesn't feel like it could possibly get worse, is the one where we realize the lesson. It is more than an understanding in the brain, because often we can start the journey with the understanding. It is a deep embodied knowledge we return with, one that has been stamped into our bones and impressed upon our DNA. 

For me, one of those journeys, was the one where I learned what I needed to never feel alone.

Possibly it began beneath the redwood trees, away from cellular network, being a stranger in a strange land surrounded by strange people. Immersed in ritual and the studies of magic, I began seeing things in this place. The trees were filled with creatures that would only disappear when I looked away for too long and tried to find them again. The land was alive, my roots were digging deep into the soil and my branches were connected to all the stars. They still are.

After returning from the forest, it took a few years to integrate this lesson. I remember feeling more lost than ever, despite having experienced magic beyond what I believed was possible. It took 7 years of wrong turns, failure, ignorance and separation. The lesson did not come easy. And it is very possible that there will come a day in my life where I need to learn it again.

But right now I know, with every cell in my body, every vibrating frequency, that I am never alone. I can feel the air caress my skin, my breath connecting me to the breath of this entire planet. I can feel the spirits and beings I have come to love surround my body, my mind and my spirit. I feel my wings spread wide and can sense the roots growing out of my body connecting deep into the ground, speaking with the mycelial network. I feel my branches high up amongst the stars, drinking in their light. And I feel all the beings within my body, busy playing the symphony of life.

The key was discovering the essence of who I am.

I am not alone.

And neither are you.

If you are curious to learn the magic that helped me to feel connected at every moment of my breathing life, you are going to love our course Journey to Your Essence. Sign up for our newsletter below and be the first to know when it launches.

Pipaluk