In this post:

• My personal experience with a soulmate (spoiler: not "the one")
• Questioning the myth that we only have one soulmate
• How soul fragmentation affects our ability to recognize soul connections
• Why placing our purpose in another person's hands is dangerous
• Two powerful practices to open yourself to authentic soulmate connections

I believe I am together with a soulmate. I say 'a' because I don't know if he is my only soul mate on the whole planet, in the whole wide universe. I also don't know if I am his only soul mate. What I do know is that we have a deep connection that is also spiritual of nature. How do I know this? Well, he drives me crazy! Sometimes. I also feel extremely happy when I am with him. Most of the time. We can laugh together, we have a similar energy, similar minds, and are also very different, which makes for wonderful tension. I know for a fact it is unlikely we shall ever get bored with one another.

It feels good to move through life with someone. It's not always easy, but I don't know anything worthwhile that is. It is fun, enriching, and I love being with someone whom I can keep learning and exploring with. It is precious to raise children and dogs with someone I have a spiritual connection with, so my partner very much feels like a mate of my soul!

Soulmates: Beyond the Singular Myth

Soulmates. Mates of the soul. The first thing I think about is whether you can only have one. I mean, we mate several times in our lives, often. Most of us do, at least in many parts of the world. And a mate, depending on the language, can be a partner, a lover, also a friend. So there's a lot already going on here when we look at the word critically, or with several modes of perception.

What Is a Soulmate?

It is a mate of one's soul. Someone my soul connects to, I guess. The soul is beyond, beneath the ego. The truth under all the layers of identity you wrap around yourself over the course of life, beginning in childhood, beginning from the very first moment when it becomes necessary to protect yourself. Protect and keep yourself safe.

And so bit by bit, we become something that is functional, but that may or may not be aligned to our truth. So when we meet a soulmate (note that I'm saying A soulmate, not THE soulmate), then we feel like we're connecting with someone who is totally aligned with our authentic self, with who we are at our core. With our soul.

The Fragmented Soul

Now, here already, as someone who does soul retrieval for clients, sometimes their soul is fragmented. This can happen with trauma, can sometimes also be the result of past lives, or ancestral fragmentation that gets passed along through various modes.

And then what happens when we meet a soulmate when our soul is not whole, when it is fragmented or pieces are missing? Many of us experience some trauma in our lives, which can result in part of our soul getting lost. It makes me wonder if a soulmate we meet when our soul is fragmented is a match because their soul is also fragmented. Or is this a soulmate because they help, just by their presence, trigger the return of the lost soul pieces? Or perhaps we are with that soul mate because it is part of our journey to grow and heal together, to witness one another in life.

I am sometimes asked to do a soul retrieval for my clients. What this looks like is that I work with shamanic practices to intentionally retrieve a part of the soul. These sessions usually take 90 minutes and are very involved as I go on a trance journey, usually with the help of one of my drums, on behalf of my client. In collaboration with their guides and ancestors, as well as mine, I seek out what is lost, bring it back, and support my client in integrating it. Sometimes additional instruction follows that the client can complete on their own.

The result is a restoration of wholeness and well-being. Many things can change in life, depending on the client and their surroundings. From relationships, to emotional harmony, work life, confidence, inner peace, and more. It is really something that is best experienced as words will never suffice to describe it.

Origins and Definitions

How do you define soulmate? I mean, when did this word even come into being?

The term "soulmate" is surprisingly modern. While the concept appears throughout mythology and fairy tales, the actual word "soulmate" in English only emerged in the early 1800s. The poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge used it in a letter in 1822 to describe a deep spiritual connection. Before that, the idea existed, but not this specific term. So it's both modern and as old as myths themselves.

The frequent journey in a fairy tale is to find, essentially, the soulmate. The prince goes forth to find the princess, and not just any, but the one that is a perfect match. The one that is considered to have in their being part of the purpose of your life wrapped up.

The Weight of Expectation

So that might be another expectation we have in our modern day towards soulmates: that by meeting them and being with them, we fulfill part of the purpose of our life in the same way that in fairy tales, this happens when the couple meets and traverses all the dangers and can then marry and have a home. And I notice also that not always is the having of children mentioned in these pairings in fairy tales. But the finding of home, being at home seems to be a consistent part of this journey.

I do wonder about… I mean, as someone who never really used the term soulmate, but I must admit that in all my relationships, almost all, I projected upon them this idea that it would have to be forever. It was like a theater of life, a grand show, an epic movie that each person became a part of as far as my personal experience was concerned. I would initiate us making wild plans together, go traveling, think about kids, draw out a story and make magic that would color our relationship as something that would outlast our lifetime.

A lot has changed in my life, including me, and I am grateful I have grown out of these somewhat harmful patterns. I feel I am now better at recognizing soul connections and being discerning enough to know when my own projections cloud reality. Two factors help me now to look honestly at any relationship. One is my intuition. It has taken me many years of consistent practice to be able to not only listen to my intuition, but also put its messages to practice. As someone who has grown up in a society that puts the knowledge of the mind before the wisdom of intuition, it took me a long time to retrain myself to listen to wisdom first and let knowledge inform that wisdom.

The other element has been to slow down. When I meet someone new, I notice my excitement and my judgements, and let them be. Instead of them informing whether I give energy to a relationship or not, I take a deep breath and surrender to things unfolding naturally while honoring my boundaries and sense of well-being.

Soulmate vs. Twin Flame

So if we take that back to soulmate and the expectations we have around it, what it means—this epic thing, this sense of fulfillment, wholeness, healing, a lifelong thing—I suppose it's in some ways similar and also different to twin flame. Twin truly implies there can only ever be two, and that they have always been a match since in the womb, or in, I don't know, where the souls come from. Like a twin soul.

I think soulmate implies there can definitely be more than one throughout life. But when I look around and read around, it feels like a radical notion to say that. That you can have several, and that some are just friends.

The Danger of External Fulfillment

Sounds a bit like family, but there's also a danger to having all these crazy expectations around it. That finding a person and being with a person can fulfill purpose. That kind of puts the sense of purpose, the fulfillment of purpose, into external hands rather than within.

And if I may remind you of the fragmented soul, the soul loss, then if we find someone while we are in that state, can we truly recognize them? Doesn't the healing of that need to come from within? Do we not have to be ready, lay the groundwork, fill the foundation, be open to this? Be ready for this?

There are some amazing practices we can do in order to open ourselves up to experience epic soul connection with other people, whether this be in the form of a romantic relationship, a friendship, or temporary alliance. Here are two paths you can take, today, to open up more to a soulmate entering your life or recognizing one that already is in your life.

Imagine it! I am not talking about a fleeting daydream, but about an involved process of the imagination, also known as visualization, that engages all your senses to the point where you experience the presence of a soulmate in your life both emotionally and physiologically. In other words, you imagine yourself spending time with a soulmate in as much detail as you can until you feel emotionally and in your body that what you are imagining is real. Visualization techniques are used the world over to increase the likelihood of something happening as we want it to in our lives. From astronauts to athletes and in all kinds of therapeutic modalities, visualization is understood as a highly effective skillset we can all cultivate. Don't know how to get started? Take a look at Ignite, our free course on Youtube and develop your visualization skills today.

Meet your essence! Within us all is an eternal part that knows the essence of who we truly are. It is our highest truth, our deepest wisdom. Some call it the God Self, the Higher Soul, the Sacred Dove. It is known by many names. There are many paths to meet this part of who you are and here I want to offer you one that you can do in the comfort of your own home. Inside our Navigator's Kit there is a special course called Journey to Your Essence. With meditations and journaling practices you prepare yourself for a special ritual that takes you on a sacred, spiraling path within where you can meet your essence and spend time with it. The course, which you can do in a couple hours or enjoy over the course of a few weeks, leaves you with practical advice on how you can continue working with your essence in your daily life.

Right now we have a special deal on the Navigator's Kit. This bundle is valued at $249 but we have decided to make a limited number available for just $27, so get it while it lasts! If you don't see the $27 price when you click the link, that's because it has sold out. Make sure to sign up for our MagicLetter below to never miss out on special offers.

Releasing the Myth

So, in conclusion, I think we could have many pleasant and joyful encounters with soulmates throughout our lives. The most important thing is to release expectation around this. Release the definition of it. And allow ourselves to meet people wherever they are at and we are at. This might mean releasing the need to define a new friend as 'best friend forever' or letting a connection unfold without immediately planning a future together. When we do this, life can be pretty fun as a result.