In this post:

• A personal journey from childhood yearning to deep self-love
• Why the fairy tale prince's quest is actually about finding yourself
• How losing yourself can be the path to coming home
• Understanding that self-love is a cyclical practice, not a destination
• An invitation to discover your essence through ritual and magic

The Yearning That Started at Six

I remember growing up with a profound yearning for love. As early as the age of 6, I remember obsessing about boys I thought were cute, chasing them jokingly and with the innocence of a child for kisses and dreaming about being with the love of my life. This deep yearning for an all-encompassing love, a fairytale partnership, the intimacy of two hearts unraveling by their conjoined rhythms, continued through my teens.

Old journals are testament to my desires, which found their way into words in the chaos of emotional immaturity and the dramatic mind of a teenager. All I wanted was love, and on every little glimmer of hope, every tentative boyfriend, I placed my projection of life-long love, of profound togetherness, two pairs of feet standing in the sands as they are kissed by ocean waves beneath the setting sun, hands tenderly entwined.

I did not grow out of this idea in my late teens, nor my twenties, and I am afraid my late thirties have not entirely cured me from this notion. I truly feel no shame in it either.

Love as the Foundation of All

After all, when we dare to look deep enough amongst the wisest of our species, we find that all agree that love is the foundation of all. "All," when capitalized, becomes the cosmos in German. It is everything, existence, mystery, Wyrd, Sila. Love flows through all.

In fairy tales we find the same desire that ravished my life until it was fulfilled. The prince finds himself on a perilous journey where he must leave home, face great dangers, and only when he finds love can he come home.

The Prince's Journey (And Mine, And Yours)

That prince is you and me. Fairy tales are metaphors and the princess is within us all. The journey of the prince was never about finding something outside of himself; it was self-love in the form of the divine within, who in fairy tales takes the form of the princess.

I remember vaguely how childhood magic flowed seamlessly into teenage angst and alienation, and home no longer felt like home. I was unable to value it, so all-encompassing was my desire for that which I believed I did not have. I escaped in every way I knew possible, rebelled and entertained anger and depression at various intervals. I allowed myself to be utterly absorbed by trivial matters as I evaded that which was important.

I drank and smoked weed and spent hours upon hours watching South Park and Discovery Channel. I hung out with people and cared so little for the time together that I would forget it all. I had friends but I always felt alone, misunderstood, and like I wasn't good enough.

Indeed, I travelled very far. Physically, mentally, and spiritually I ventured towards edges I would not wish upon my own children. Deep in the redwood forests of Northern California, I lost all sense of self and could no longer hear my inner voice. No drink or drugs were involved, only magic and ritual, and though I was surrounded by wise people who helped me, I was terrified and exhilarated. But the experience itself would take many years to integrate.

In the years that ensued, I continued to feel loss.

At loss.

And it was only with help that I found love and home.

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When Having It All Isn't Enough

If you look at my life on the outside, you might think I have it all. A beautiful home, a partner I love, children, dogs, and work I am passionate about.

But the truth is, that had I had all these things during the time where I was seeking, I would not have been satisfied nor satiated.

With help from the seen and unseen realms, from humans and the more-than-human, I found love within me. My perception and consciousness shifted and the world became spirited again and alive, like it had been in my childhood. Trees, faeries, deities, friends of generations and places different from what had been familiar to me, all came together and brought lush joy and connection to my life. I learned to see myself for who I really am and as a result I fell in love with myself and who I am, and it is only from this place that I can fully experience love in my life.

Self-Love Is a Practice, Not a Destination

For the truth is, I have days where my self-love needs work! Sometimes I am tired, sometimes I am cranky and sick and I lose all confidence in myself. I want to hide and think negatively of everything. My partner isn't good enough anymore, my life feels small and insignificant and I start feeling lost again. And ugly! It is an astonishing transformation every time, but what's different now is my awareness and knowledge of how to change it.

With my spirit-led practices, my meditations and rituals, my guides and allies, I pick myself up and fall in love with myself once again.

It is a cycle, a process, and it knows its seasons as all things do.

Where to Start Your Journey

If you have read this far and what I describe is something you struggle with, especially during this time of year where it can feel lonely without a Valentine and just as lonely if you have a partner but feel like you are missing something called true, deep, profound love, you might be asking yourself, "Where do I start?"

To begin with, hold your heart. Feel its beat, its rhythm. As you do, become aware that it is part of the rhythm of life in the place you live in, part of the rhythm of this planet, this solar system, this galaxy, this universe. Feel your consciousness expand with the knowledge that you are part of something far greater than you can ever imagine and yet, you can feel it. Experience the wonder and love as you know that you are part of the beauty of the most stunning night sky, a beating human heart living on a planet in a vast expanse of sparkling jewels.

Isn't it magical?

It can also help to get to know yourself on the deepest of levels. Your truth. The essence of who you are. When we do this inside a ritual process, we come to a place of wonder and marvel, for you are so much more than you can ever know and you are beautiful!

From my travels far and wide, I have put together a course that is such a ritual. It is called Journey to Your Essence, and it does what it says. It takes you to the truth of who you are, infinite and glorious. In this course you also learn how to work with your truth. It is part of a special bundle selling right now at the lowest price ever. For just $27 you can get the Navigator's Kit, which includes Journey to Your Essence and the Inner Work of Desire. Together these courses form an epic duo to help you navigate life with confidence and strategic magic. (Note: If you want this, get it fast as once this sells out the price will increase. So if you see a different price when you click, that means it's sold out. Make sure to sign up to our MagicLetter below to stay posted on when special offers like this one return.)

I can't wait for you to meet your essence! I know your life will change.